my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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