he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
