I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
