is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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