I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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