You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
