watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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