i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
