I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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