When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
