I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
