she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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