This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
