i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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