I CAN MOONWALK!
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Alive.
So much puke
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
