i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
