if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He felt like a one man threesome
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
