We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Even my vagina gasped.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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