I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
