my room smells like sperm. sweet.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
