I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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