Im at strip club and am horny
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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