i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
