She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
