i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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