i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
