3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
