just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
