Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
