Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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