Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
