I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
