I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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