I wanna bring you to show and tell
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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