Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
