WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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