I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
