Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
