I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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