wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
