my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
