Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
