Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
