You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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