Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
