someone threw a dead crab at me
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
