do herpes really smell.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
