That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
