...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
