New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
