eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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