Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
